


Stars

by sunflakes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, M/M, NSFW, Suicidal Thoughts, depictions of violence, fluffy fluff, not too graphic i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:06:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflakes/pseuds/sunflakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake tries to apologize to Dirk, and things start to go downhill from there. But will they start looking up soon? Lots of fluff and shit</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> http://actual-lesbian-rose-lalonde.tumblr.com/post/69125871208/my-friend-the-frog-littleredhairedrobin-you
> 
> PSA (PLEASE READ)  
> This was inspired by the comic linked above. However, the comic is part of a fantastic, heartbreaking series by littleredhairedrobin and part of the blind!Dirk au, both of which I did not realize when I started, because I am dumb. Therefore, this is based off of only this comic and none of the preceding ones, and does not take place in the blind!Dirk au, again, because I am dumb. However I’m going to stick with the original story to some extent, except that instead of Jake being Dirk’s caretaker, they used to live together and then broke up. Jake came back to apologize before Dirk leaves, just to make things right, and it carries on from there. (Sorry for altering your storyline, Red.)  
> Thank you for your time.  
> P.S. I’m not sure if the font color formatting will show up so I’m writing whose point of view it is above each of the paragraphs. It’s already shown in the emails.

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 5, 5:19 PM

 

Dirk, 

I’m so very, very sorry. I just wanted to apologize, and say goodbye, but then you kissed me, and well... you know what happened. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand completely if you can’t. I deserve nothing more from you, and you are completely in the right to hate me. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. 

Jake

 

(Jake’s POV) 

You tentatively click send, hands shaking. You pray that he will at least accept your apology. You know that he has every right to completely ignore you, but you just hope he doesn’t. You deserve anything he says to you, you think, and you have to respect his wishes, even if it kills you. His pained face flashes across your mind, devastated and angry, looking hurt beyond repair. It feels like a knife in your stomach. 

  


To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 5, 11:37 PM

 

Yeah, sure. Do you realize how long I’ve wished for that? Every night, since we broke up, I’ve dreamed of you. I’ve missed you so much it ached, so much that I didn’t think I could bear it. Eventually, it faded into the background of everyday life. It didn’t hurt as much. But I never forgot you, and you were always in the back of my mind. Every time I watched a shitty movie, every time I saw a skull, or a gun, there you were, and the pain was back. I’m still in love with you, you douchebag. You have no idea. And then you came back, and did that.. for a while, I was happy again. And then I find out that you didn’t mean any of it. I’m beginning to doubt you ever really loved me. 

Don’t try and talk your way out of this one, English. It’s over.

  


(Dirk’s POV) 

You lean back in your chair and put your hands over your face. You don’t know how you’re going to come back from this one. Breaking up the first time was hard enough, and doing it all over again may have shattered you beyond repair. Because that’s what heart players do, apparently. They splinter their hearts into tiny pieces for other people, and Jake finally broke you for good. And then he comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness. Well not this time, you tell yourself. You won’t give into him this time. Him and his adorable smile, his charming speech. Jake. You won’t do that again, no matter how much it hurts. 

 

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 6, 8:43 AM

 

Okay. Just, hear me out, please? I do have an explanation.

 

(Jake) 

His reply hurt more than you expected, even though you thought you were prepared. It’s rare that Dirk shows much emotion, and you hadn’t realized how deep his affections ran, even after this long. You just want to explain, tell him that you never meant to do that to him, that you do love him. All you want is to hold him and make it better, but that’s nigh impossible now, after what you’ve done. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 6, 3:17 PM

 

Why should I?

 

(Dirk) 

Now you’re really pissed. He thinks he can just explain this away and it’ll all be okay? He’s slower than you thought, if he really believes that. There is no way you’re going to let him come back just like that. You consider listening to him anyway, but then you reprimand yourself. You have such a soft spot for this kid, even after everything he’s done. No more weakness, no more exceptions. You’re just going to keep getting hurt if you do this. You have to hide your emotions, don’t let anyone know how you’re feeling. That’s how you get by. Keep your heart protected. 

 

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 6, 5:23 PM

 

You shouldn’t. You have every right to completely erase me from your life. But I’m begging you, please.

 

(Jake) 

You try and show your remorse, your utter desperation and raw pain through your words, to make him understand how much you never wanted this. Your chest is tight and you swallow the lump in your throat, trying not to sob, to see through the blur in order to type. You never imagined how much this would hurt, to see the man you loved in so much pain, and all because of you. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone please help me format this

* * *

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 6, 10:49 PM

 

...Fine. Tell me, why did you feel it was okay to lead me on and then break my heart all over again?

 

(Dirk) 

You clench your teeth, trying to hold back your anger. He seems so desperate, so vulnerable. In part, you’re angry at yourself for wanting to hold him again, to feel his warmth, to listen to what he has to say and try to repair your destroyed relationship. And you’re angry at him for making you feel this way, for making you feel weakness and a yearning need for another person. 

  


To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Sat, December 7, 9:18 AM

 

I never thought that. Never. As you know, I am... was in a relationship with Jane, but that ended last night. And I realized I’ve been deceiving myself. I thought that maybe by coming to say goodbye, and to apologize I would finally get a kind of closure, and would be able to move on with my life. Find someone to settle down with. But when you kissed me, I knew that could never happen. I knew I would always love with you. I don’t expect you to love me back, and I will leave and never contact you again if you’d like. But I wanted you to know that I never, ever meant to hurt you like that.

 

(Jake) 

Your fingers clatter over the keys in an uneven rhythm. You’re not sure if you should let all of this out but you have to make him see how sorry you are. You pour your heart out to him, trembling slightly. You feel so, so afraid that he will reject you, that he’ll shut you out and this is the last you’ll see of him. Of course, he’s perfectly within his rights to do that but the possibility feels like ice in your veins. 

  


To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Sat, December 7, 6:15 PM

 

Listen. I’m still unbelievably angry with you, and you’re not off the hook yet. It’s gonna take a while to make me trust you again.

But I want to try again. I don’t want to leave things like this.

 

(Dirk) 

You sigh. You will never be over this guy, will you? Already you’re slipping back into love for him. But if you’re being perfectly honest with yourself, no one else has ever made you as happy as he did. And you do care for him, and hate to see him like this. You decide to give him one more chance. You don’t have the willpower to refuse him. Even if you are still angry and hurt, you think about it. Those months when you were with him were the ones when you didn’t feel so alone in the world, so isolated and lonely and misunderstood. Around him, you felt loved, like you belonged, and you felt safe. Cared for. It was unfamiliar, but blissful, and you yearn for it again. So you give in. 

  
  


To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Sat, December 7, 8:03 PM

 

I will do anything, anything I can to make it up to you. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I will never hurt you like that again, to the best of my ability. I promise.

 

(Jake) 

You almost cry in relief and joy. He’s giving you another chance, and you will do anything to right the wrongs you have committed. You have an opportunity to make things right with Dirk, and you start thinking immediately. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Sun, December 8, 12:14 AM

 

Fine. I’m just going to need some space for a while, okay? I’ll email you when I’m ready.

 

(Dirk) 

You take a deep breath and reflect on your decision. You think you’ve done the right thing for yourself, but you guess that only time will tell. You talk to Dave about it, and he thinks you’re out of your mind, despite agreeing to stay behind with you instead of flying back to California. “The dude completely destroyed you, bro. Why are you going back to him?” You just shake your head and tell him he doesn’t understand. He shrugs and says he guesses he doesn’t, because he sees absolutely no benefits in ‘crawling ass up back to that fucking douche’. You flip him off and go back to your room to work on a project, trying to distract yourself. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

(Dirk) 

A few days pass, and you think you’re ready to see Jake again. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 12, 2:57 PM

 

Are you free on Saturday?

(Dirk) 

You type a brief, to-the-point email, trying not to let your nerves and still-present hurt show. He responds almost immediately. 

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 12, 3:14 PM

 

Yep! I’ve got no plans whatsoever.

 

(Jake) 

You feel a bubbling of joy in your stomach, mixed with some regret and apprehension. Taking a deep breath, you try to sound cheery but not overly. You don’t want him to think you’re perfectly fine after all of this. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 12, 6:49 PM

 

You wanna go see a movie?

 

(Dirk) 

He doesn’t seem too devastated. Upbeat as always. Or maybe he’s just better at hiding his emotions than you thought. You offer a movie- certain to pique his interest, and not too much awkward interaction. Perfect, you think. 

 

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Thurs, December 12, 8:20 PM

 

Absolutely. What would you like to see?

(Jake) 

You smile. Even after so long, he still knows exactly what you like. Of course, it isn’t all that hard, but you choose to believe that he picked it just for you. You give him the choice of the movie, because you know he doesn’t have such expansive tastes as yours. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 13, 1:23 AM

 

I don’t care, whatever you pick.

 

(Dirk) 

You try and give off a neutral attitude, giving him some control over the situation. You do want to forgive him, but you want to make your feelings known in a strong way. You try not to seem too excited. You don’t sleep at all that night; you’re too busy thinking. 

  
  


To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 13, 7:34 AM

 

Perfect! I’ll pay. What time do you want to meet, and where?

 

(Jake) 

You think that even in the smallest of ways, paying for the venture might convey slightly that you are willing to go to any length to make things up to him. You’re jittery for the rest of the day until he responds. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 13, 11:19 AM

 

We can split it. How about around 1, at the theater?

 

(Dirk) 

You can see that he’s trying to make up for it, but you won’t let him just yet. Besides, it’s just polite to pay for your half anyway. You finalize the plans and begin to brace yourself for the events of the next day. 

 

To: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

From: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 13, 2:25 PM

 

Sounds lovely. I’ll see you then, I suppose.

 

(Jake) 

You are a bit subdued by his less-than-enthusiastic response, but you hold yourself to being adamant and making the best of the undeserved chance you’ve been given. 

 

To: [golgothasterror@gmail.com](mailto:golgothasterror@gmail.com)

From: [timaeustestified@gmail.com](mailto:timaeustestified@gmail.com)

On Fri, December 13, 9:56 PM  
  
Great.

 

(Dirk) 

You push away from the computer, going off to take one of your legendary showers and mull things over. Your mind begins to work as you lay out all of the possible situations and scenarios, and how you would react. You have to be prepared for anything. You don’t sleep that night either. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> p.s. my tumblr is dirkisms, I'd love to talk to some of you!

 

(Dirk)

It’s an hour before your date with Jake and you’ve thrown the entire contents of your closet onto your floor, trying to find the perfect thing to wear. It can’t seem too thought out, but you can’t be sloppy either. Finally you settle on a white button down shirt and jeans. Dave has poked his head in once or twice, only to roll his eyes at your distress and offer his help, which you refused. You make sure your hair is okay, and after that, all there’s left to do it wait.

  


(Jake)

You stand in the middle of your room, beginning to doubt the advisability of this. What if this is all a prank, meant to pay you back? What if he really does hate you and everything goes wrong? These thoughts run through your head before you shake yourself and square your shoulders, reminding yourself that you need to at least apologize in person. This is something you have to do, no matter how scared you are.

  


(Dirk)

It’s 12:52 and you’re standing in the movie theatre lobby, wiping your sweaty, shaking hands on your jeans. It’s as if you’re a kid on your first date, completely pathetic. You start to doubt yourself, and go over all of the scenarios in your head one more time. It’ll be fine. It’s just Jake, after all, you think. Nothing to be nervous about.

 

(Jake)

You’re on your way to the movie theatre, stuck in traffic. It’s 12:57, and you promised Dirk you’d be there at 1. You put your head down on the steering wheel. Things were going wrong already. He’s going to think that you stood him up, that it was just you being cruel and pouring salt in the wound. You moan to yourself for a while longer before someone honks at you and you realize the light has turned green. You drive at twice the speed limit, trying to get there in time.

 

(Dirk)

You’re leaning against the wall of the lobby, looking around with your arms crossed. It’s 1:10, and still no sign of him. You scoff at yourself. What were you thinking, setting this up? Of course he wouldn’t go through with it, it’s not like he even cares about you. You wait a few more minutes with no word, and are getting ready to leave when you see him burst in, looking dishevelled and frantic. He sees you and rushes over, and he looks so distressed that you can’t help but smile a little, even through your anger. “Dirk! I’m so sorry!” he cries, flapping his hands around. “I got stuck in traffic, and-” You cut him off by placing a finger on his lips. “It’s cool. Now what movie do you want to see?” He looks at the board with all of the selections. “How about Raiders of the Lost Ark?” he suggests. You shrug and agree, then go up to buy tickets. You and him bicker a bit about paying for the tickets, but eventually he relents and lets you buy your own. You go in to stand at the concession line, and there’s an awkward silence. Abruptly, you say, “So what have you been doing?” Jake shifts a little and looks down. “Well, I got a job at a nature reserve, and I’d been helping Jane out at the bakery...” You feel a small stab of pain and jealousy in your stomach, which you ignore. He continues, saying, “But Jade and I went to Europe last year, and that was fun. Especially seeing our family again.” You listen as he describes his adventures, many of which involve near-death situations. “But anyway, what about you?” he asks, turning to look at you. You catch sight of his bright green eyes, earnestly staring into yours, and your breath catches a little. “Um..” You try to gather your thoughts quickly. “Started working at an engineering firm. Dave and I are gonna move back to Cali though soon, so that’s gonna be done with. And I started working on a new project, too.” You start to tell him about it, but cut yourself off, reminding yourself not to be too open with him. The silence resumes until you get up to the counter, where you order drinks and a popcorn to share. Again, you have to argue with him to get him to go Dutch. Finally, you get to the theatre, and pick seats in the back row. He’s started up a light, neutral conversation, commenting on the previews, and you breathe an internal sigh of relief. Everything seems to be going well so far. It’s only when the lights begin to dim that you realize his hand is set palm up on the armrest of your chair, as if inviting you to place your hand within it. You hesitate, then do it, lacing your fingers together. You bite your lip, realizing how much you’ve missed this, missed him, and you feel an aching sort of joy, mixed with sadness, that you’re near him again.

 


	5. Chapter 5

(Jake)

It’s halfway through the movie, and you’ve got no idea what even the premise of it is. You’re too focused on Dirk, the feel of him next to you, his hand in yours. You think over the events of the past week or so, considering how they’ve led here. You would have never, in a million years, thought you would have something like this again. Even with Jane, it was never this easy, this safe. You never quite felt like you did with Dirk. You squeeze his hand almost unconsciously, and he squeezes back. Your heartbeat speeds up slightly, and you try not to think about all of the other ways you and him have touched. You have to repair your relationship before that. Suddenly, you feel his head on your shoulder. You look over, and it seems he’s fallen asleep. You wonder how many sleepless nights you’ve caused him, in addition to the fact that he doesn’t sleep all that much anyway, and feel a pang of remorse. Again. You tuck his hair back and gently kiss the top of his head, settling him into a better position.

 

You wake him up when the movie’s over. He seems disoriented, and then a little embarrassed. You make a mental note of how adorable he is when he blushes. He apologizes for falling asleep on you, which you wave away and say it wasn’t a problem. You walk out of the theatre holding hands, although Dirk is a little more reserved out in the light. When you get outside, it’s still light. You consider suggesting doing something else, but while you’re arguing with yourself he asks if you’d want to go down to the lake that’s about 15 minutes from here. You ask if he wants to meet there, and he says, “Actually, would you mind following me back to my apartment so I can drop off my car and driving me there? Dave needs the car for something tonight.” You agree, of course, and go your separate ways to get in your cars.

 

(Dirk)

As you walk back to your car, you feel yourself becoming slightly giddy, even though you’re still a bit embarrassed at falling asleep on Jake. You get in the driver’s seat and start up the engine, pulling out of the parking lot. You’re pretty sure Jake knows how to get to your place, considering he made it there by himself last week. You hum along to the radio on the way home, pulling into the parking lot and sitting in the car until Jake gets there. When he pulls up, you turn off the car and get out, going over to him. When you settle into the passenger seat, he has his old rock and roll music playing, and he’s singing along enthusiastically. “Hello, Dirk!” he says, pausing in his rendition of ‘Under Pressure’ to greet you. You nod at him in return and buckle up. “So, to the lake, yes?” he asks, pulling out of the parking lot. “Yeah,” you say, leaning back in the seat. You drive to the lake, looking out the window, with Jake making random comments occasionally. When you get there, he parks and you walk down to the shore. He, however, pauses at the car and when he catches up to you, produces three white roses tied together with a red ribbon. You take them, looking at him a bit questioningly. He flushes a little, his cheeks glowing pink in the dusk. “Dirk, I... I truly am endlessly sorry for what I did. And I understand if you can’t forgive me. But I will do anything I can to make it up to you.” He begins to ramble, which you cut off with a soft kiss placed on his lips. “I know,” you say, putting your hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going to lie, I’m still a little hurt, and it’ll take a while for me to trust you again, but I’m willing to work to fix this.” He looks slightly taken aback, but happy. “I’m sorry I left,” he murmurs, looking up at you. “I know,” you say. “Me too. But you’re here now.” He smiles, and you gently kiss his forehead. You realize you have your arms around his waist, and he has his around your neck. You smile at him, and he smiles back widely. You sigh a little and he frowns. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “I... It’s nothing,” you say, pulling back a bit. He catches your arm. “Dirk...” He pauses. “You don’t have to say anything, but you can trust me, you know.” You look at him, and after a few seconds, say, “I know.” He looks a bit sad, but you squeeze his hand and pull him after you. “I want to show you something.” You start off, with him trailing behind you.

 

(Jake)

You’ve been following Dirk down the bank of the lake for quite some time now. You’ve asked repeatedly where you’re going, but he just says he ‘needs to show you something’ in response. Eventually, you round a corner, revealing a little cove that’s washed in moonlight, with a small boat tied up at the dock. “Oh... it’s beautiful,” you say in awe. Dirk shrugs. “I used to come here when I was upset. Eventually got to be a bad place for me. But now I’m hoping... that maybe we can make it a good place again.” You look up at him. “Oh, Dirk...” With sudden courage, you lean forward and kiss him, pulling his face down to yours. He tenses at first in surprise, but relaxes into it after a few seconds, putting his arms around you and pulling you closer. You smile, feeling like you’re exactly where you belong. You breathe him in, tasting him, and you can feel him doing the same to you. You pull back after a bit, looking up at him. His lips are parted slightly, reddened, and he pushes his shades up onto his forehead so you can catch a glimpse of his dark orange eyes, full of- love? You’re not sure, because before you can get a good look he kisses you again heatedly, as if he’ll never get enough of you. You know that you’ll never have your fill of him. Your eyes flutter closed, and you run your hands through his hair. He puts his arms around your waist and picks you up, setting you on the wall of the dock without breaking the kiss. You hook your leg around his waist, pulling him as close as you can get him. You ache for him, as if you just want to merge into him and pour all of your love into his body. You want to lose yourself in him. Right as you think this, Dirk stops moving.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What am I supposed to put here

(Dirk)

You’ve been at war with yourself since you decided to show Jake your secret cove. One part of you is yelling that this is too open, you’re making yourself vulnerable, this is how you get hurt. The other part of you is saying that you need to trust him. That you need to take a risk, because even if there’s a chance for you to get hurt, that means that there’s also a chance to be happy. Still, you couldn’t decide if this was the right choice or not, right up until he kissed you. When your lips touched, every coherent thought flew out of your mind and the only thing left was Jake, Jake, Jake. You forgot about yourself and all your pain, and the world narrowed to just Jake and his lips and his breath and him. At one point during your foggy, lovestruck state, you think you picked him up, but you’re not really sure. Then he puts his leg around you and everything comes flooding back. You freeze, suddenly realizing that you’re doing exactly what you promised yourself you wouldn’t, and you feel a drop in your stomach. You pull away, panicking slightly. Jake looks confused. “Dirk? What’s wrong?” You start shaking a bit, and move to back away, but he stops you. “Really, are you okay, chap?” He begins to look worried, taking your hand. “I- I shouldn’t have done this,” you say, your voice cracking a bit. He looks alarmed, and a little hurt. “What do you mean?” “I mean that I shouldn’t have done this. I’m just setting myself up to get hurt more.” Your voice breaks again. “I’m sorry.” You turn and start walking away. “Dirk! Wait, please!” He calls after you, but you choke back the lump in your throat and put your head down, wrapping your arms around yourself. It’s for the best, you think. This way, neither of you can- Your train of thought is broken when something hits you from behind, knocking you to the ground. You let out a grunt as the ‘something’, otherwise known as Jake, turns you onto your back and settles his weight on you, effectively trapping you. “What the fuck?” You struggle underneath him, trying to get him off of you. He glares down at you. “Listen to me, Strider. I know I hurt you, and I know you’re angry at me. But you said you would work to fix this, and so will I. But we can’t fix anything if you keep running away. If you want to take it slowly, that’s jolly good with me. But you have to trust me, please. I will never intentionally hurt you if I can possibly avoid it. I... I do love you, Dirk. More than anything.” He bites his lip and looks a little uncertain. You try your best to keep your face impassive, but fail. Your lips press together and you sniff a bit, blinking away your tears. “I love you too, Jake,” you say, in a rough voice. “I’m just. Scared. I’m scared of being hurt like that again, because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover.” Your heart pounds, admitting something like that, but you think it’s necessary. He looks unbelievably sad at that, like his heart is breaking, breaking for you. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.” He chokes back a sob, and you sit up to kiss his forehead. “I know,” you murmur. He clings to you and his body shudders as he cries. You hold him, and a few tears run down your cheeks as well. You never wanted him to have to feel like this, even as angry as you were at him.

Eventually, he calms and buries his face in your neck. “I’m sorry, Dirk,” he whispers again, his voice breaking. “I know,” you say, kissing the top of his head. “It’ll be okay.” He sniffles and looks up at you with watery eyes. You smile at him and kiss his lips gently, your hands on his face. “I love you,” you say, stroking his hair. He hugs you tightly. “I love you too,” he replies in a muffled voice. You sit there like that for a while, his face pressed to your shoulder, before he sighs and loosens his hold on you. “It’s cold,” he says, and you laugh. “You wanna go back to the car and warm up?” you ask. He nods and gets up, holding his hand out for you. You take it and stand up, beginning the walk back to the car. It’s an easy silence between the two of you, under the stars in the cold November air. When you get to the car, Jake unlocks it and begins to get in the drivers seat, but you stop him. He looks at you in confusion, and you wordlessly open the door to the back seat and gesture towards it. His eyebrows shoot up, and he climbs in after a shocked pause. You follow him, closing the door behind you. He’s sitting on the far side, leaning back on his hands and looking a little unsure. Still silent, you climb onto his lap and kiss him. He kisses you back, his arms going around your neck, eyes closing. You thread your fingers into his hair, sliding your tongue along his bottom lip. He opens his mouth to you, and you slip your tongue in to press against his. He lets out a soft sigh and pushes the bottom of your t-shirt up. Your hands slide down to his hips, pulling yourself down slightly. He groans into your mouth and nibbles your lip, pushing your shirt all the way up to your collarbone. You let out a soft sigh and he breaks the kiss, moving his lips down your jaw and onto your neck. Biting your lip, you slide your hands up his chest, pinching and rubbing his nipples. He makes a slight ‘mmmh’ noise and begins to suck on a spot of skin. You moan and he sucks harder, seeming to enjoy the small noises spilling out of your mouth. He breaks away and pulls your shirt over your head, then licks and sucks down your chest. You lean back, exposing more skin which he eagerly takes possession of.

He soon makes his way down to your waistband, moving backwards as he goes, then looks up at you. You think for a second, the shake your head. “I think you’re much too overdressed for that.” You lean up and tug his shirt off, kissing his chest. He smiles and kisses you gently, then kisses your nose. You grin and grind your hips against his, and he gasps. His cheeks turn a lovely pink color and his teeth are leaving dents in his lip as he pants and makes quiet, desperately sexy noises. You break off and he tries to catch his breath, fingers digging into your back. Abruptly, he pushes you onto your back and kisses you feverishly, hand sliding down and undoing your belt and jeans. You do the same for him, and after a few minutes of fumbling around you both discard your pants. He rubs his hips down hard on yours, and you feel the beginnings of an erection in his cotton briefs. You chuckle and kiss him again, sliding your hands over his ass and squeezing. He moans softly and you wrap your legs around his waist, moving your hips. He responds in kind, rubbing back against you hungrily. Soon enough, he pauses to yank the remaining clothes off of your body and his, leaving your boner out in the cold air. “Fuck, it’s like 2 degrees outside,” you mutter, shivering. “Stop being so dramatic,” he says, tossing your clothes into the front seat before kissing you again, rubbing your now bare cocks together. You make a stilted moaning noise and push back, thrusting your hips up. You press your bodies together, partly for warmth and partly just for more contact with his lean, warm body. His dark skin is flushed all over and he’s trembling slightly. You suck on his bottom lip and hook your legs around him, still moving your hips. He moans and presses his face into your neck, breathing hotly on your skin. You tilt your head back and bite your lip, trying to stifle the noises that are pushing their way out. You pull him back up to your mouth and kiss him deeply. Jake presses his hips down again and you lose any coherent thought, automatically moving your hips and just focusing on the points of contact between you and him. He makes a low noise and pulls your hips closer to his, if that was even possible. You drag your fingernails down his back, moaning loudly. You feel yourself tense up and tighten your legs around him. “Jake... Jake I’m almost there...” He nods breathlessly and moves his hand down to wrap around both of your cocks and pumping it back and forth. You moan again and come within a few minutes, him following close behind.

He nudges you over so he can settle down next to you, and you put your arms around him. He rests his head on your chest and you sigh. “I love you,” he murmurs. “I love you too,” you reply. You both lay there for a few minutes, before you sigh again and move slightly. “We have to talk,” you say.

 


	7. Chapter 7

(Jake)

You thought things were going very well. He still seemed a little hesitant, and you were terrified of making a mistake, but overall it seemed very successful. You made love almost as effortlessly as you used to, bringing back that familiar feeling. And then he said you needed to talk. Your heart sped up a bit, anxious about what he was going to say. You shuffle back and look at him, swallowing. “Okay, chum,” you say, “Go ahead.” He looks at you, and you shift under the gaze of those beautiful, and sometimes terrifying, orange eyes. He takes a deep breath, and says, “I don’t know if this is going to work out.” Your stomach drops and you open your mouth to say something, anything to stop this, but he holds up his hand. “But I don’t care. I want to be with you, no matter how long it’s for.” He hesitates and licks his lips. “I’ve never been one to be open about my emotions, and I’m not overly affectionate. As you know. But I’m telling you now, I’m willing to take a risk for this. To be with you. I don’t plan to live long, and I want to spend my time left with you.” He blushes a little bit and bites his lips, looking away. “So say what you want to that. There’s my side.”

You sit in slight shock, taking it in, and he starts to look uncomfortable before you lunge forward and put your arms around him, hugging him close. “I’ll be good to you,” you promise shakily. “I’ll do everything I can.” Then something else he said hits you. “Wait. What do you mean, you don’t plan to live long?” There’s a note of accusation in your voice, along with some worry and hurt. You wonder if he can detect it. Knowing him, he probably knows exactly what’s going on inside your head. He always could read you like a book. He presses his lips together, as if he’d hoped you wouldn’t notice that. He opens his mouth, and then closes it, trying to figure out what to say, you suppose. “I’ve never seen myself living to an old age,” he says finally, looking at the roof of the car. “It’s just been too dangerous for that, ever since I was a kid. I always knew I would die young, and I accepted that. There’s never really been much to live for. I wanted to go out, experience some things, and then die of my own volition. Not suicide, but I don’t want to sit around waiting for death either. It’s just another step in life, and I intend to get there when I want to, not when life tells me to or when someone else forces it on me. And I used to dream of a heroic death, back in Sburb. I thought I would die saving someone, or something, and then maybe I would be remembered well, and not just as the asshole who never cared about anyone. Before that, when I was alone, I had some pills. Planned to take them when I was 18, get out of that hellhole and move on. But then I found something to live for.” He looks straight at you, and your heart pounds with the certainty that he’s talking about you. “We beat the game, got here. And shit sucked, man. I wasn’t used to any of it, and that game left some pretty bad damage on all of us. I thought about doing it then, but you were still there, and I knew I couldn’t. And by then I didn’t really want to, either. There’s so much out there to experience, and if I kept with my plans, I wouldn’t see any of it. So I changed my mind. But I still hold to some of what I said. I’m not planning to get old and wait for death. Sounds awful. So I’m going to do what I want, and if I die in the process, fine. And if not, I’ll find something else. But as I said, I want to spend what time I have with you.”

He finishes off and shrugs, waiting for you reaction. And you can’t deny it, you may have teared up sometime during his story. You take his hand and squeeze, rubbing your thumb over the back of it. You say nothing for a while, and then look up at him. “I understand why you are thinking this. I’m not saying I’m pleased with it, but I understand. But I’m a selfish man. And I want you to be around for my whole life. So I will do anything, anything I can, to make life worth living well past your prime.” You look at him quite seriously, and his jaw clenches. “If you want me, I’ll stay,” he says quietly, his voice cracking. “Of course I want you,” you whisper hoarsely, running your thumb over his cheekbone. “I love you.” “I love you more,” he says, smiling a little sadly. “I love you most,” you reply, kissing him. He pulls you close, resting his head on your shoulder. He lets out a sigh and you hum, swaying back and forth. You sit there for a while, twined together, before he says, “Can we go home?” in such a soft voice that you have to give in. “Of course,” you murmur. “Just put your clothes back on, and we’ll be on our way.” You both redress yourselves and get back in your respective places. You start the car and he settles back into the seat, looking out the window. You furtively glance over at him every few seconds, trying not to distract yourself from the road but unable to keep your eyes off him, especially the way the moonlight illuminated his face.

He catches you one time, and smiles slightly. “What’re you looking at?” he asks, arching an eyebrow. You blush and quickly look forward again. “Nothing,” you say, feeling the soft heat in your cheeks spread throughout your face. You can almost feel him smirking at you knowingly, and you focus on the road. Soon enough, you pull up to his apartment grudgingly, not wanting to let him go. He pauses, then glances at you. “You wanna come in?” he asks, keeping his tone neutral, but you can hear the hints of nervousness that most people wouldn’t be able to detect. “Yes, if you would like me to,” you say, meeting his eyes. Or shades, rather. He nods, so you park in the back and walk in together, hand in hand.

  


(Dirk)

You wonder how Dave will react to you bringing Jake home. Knowing him, he’ll probably just shrug and question your sanity, but leave you alone. He knows you can take care of yourself, even if he doesn’t always approve of your choices. As you wait for the elevator, you lean your head on top of his, trying to hold back a yawn and failing. These past few days have taken a toll on you, and you’ve been sleeping worse than usual. Which was saying something, because you hardly slept at all, maybe only 3 or 4 hours a night. It was all you could handle of the nightmares, bringing back those lonely, hellish days of your old life, and of Sburb. The few times when you’d actually gotten a good nights rest had been because of Jake.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the ding of the elevator, and Jake pulling you forward. You follow him in, and ride up in silence. Your apartment’s on the top floor, so you’re in there for a while. When you get to your floor, you unlock the door and go inside, tossing your jacket and shoes off. “You want anything to eat?” you ask Jake, who’s standing in the doorway. “Come on, you don’t just have to stand there.” You pull him in, closing the door. “Um, no thank you,” he says. “Not very hungry.” He looks around, as if remembering the surroundings. “Been a while, huh,” you say, smiling dryly. “Yes,” he murmurs, running his hands over the couch. You lean against the doorframe, watching him. “You got a new table,” he comments, inspecting it. You chuckle. “Yeah, the old one was all beaten up, covered in sword marks,” you say, recalling the story of how they got there. Memories of the game, nightmares, or the panic attacks; whenever they plagued you, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself, you would just hack at the coffee table until you couldn’t move anymore. It was the only thing that helped, the only healthy thing at least. You’ve never really explained that to him though. Sure, he’d walked in on it plenty of times, bandaged your bloody hands and carried you to bed, but you’d never explained it. You didn’t think you could.

Your musings are interrupted by a disdainful snort. “So you’re back, then?” You look up, and Dave is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, giving Jake a contemptuous look. “Yes,” Jake says, looking down. “Your brother asked me here though,” he adds on, defensively. “Yeah, I’m sure he did,” Dave replies, rolling his eyes. “Fuckin’ crazy if you ask me, but hey, if he wants to get fucked over again, it’s his choice.” He pushes off the wall and leaves, and you can almost hear the internal sigh he’s heaving at you. “He’s angry at me,” Jake says, watching him go. “Yeah,” you sigh. “He’s not pleased with the effect that whole thing had on me.” You shake your head. “He’s just trying to protect me, though. Try not to take it personally,” you say, even though you know he will. He keeps staring after Dave, so you take his hand and push him down onto the couch, sitting down next to him. “Chill. He’ll come around,” you say, squeezing his hand. He grimaces. “I know. But I do want to be on good terms with him, and it doesn’t look like that’s what is happening.” He looks down at your intertwined hands and sighs softly. You don’t know what to say to comfort him- you never were much good at that. So you sit there in silence.

 


	8. Chapter 8

(Jake)

You feel terrible. You know Dave has every right to be angry at you, just like Dirk did, but you suppose that this caught you off guard, especially after Dirk’s mild reaction. Absentmindedly, you run your fingers over Dirk’s hand, tracing his scars and freckles. You travel up his wrist and move over a vein, trailing upwards. It’s only when you get up to the hem of his sleeve that you realize what you’re doing, and you look up at him in slight alarm, blushing. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what...” You break off when he smiles. “It’s fine,” he reassures you. “I missed that,” he says quietly, after a pause. You bite your lip, and he gives you a small, sad smile. You take his hand again and lean your head on his shoulder, listening to his steady breathing and the deep pulsing bass of Dave’s music in the next room. It’s been so long since you’ve been here, and you’d forgotten how comforting it was. The organized chaos and the systemic way the brothers lived, the way that you could never understand, but always tried to.

You loved it, and you loved being here with Dirk. The two of you sat there for what seemed like days, peaceful, wonderful days. The quiet was broken by a shriek from the kitchen. You sit up in alarm, and Dirk leans forward, tense. “Dave?” he calls, on guard. “I fucked up the cookies!” comes a yell from the kitchen, followed by a hitting sound. Dirk heads in, and you follow. The scene that meets your eyes is something you would remember even in your old age, you’re sure. Dave, in a pink frilly apron and oven mitts, hitting a flaming tray of cookies with a now singed broom. Dirk grabs the fire extinguisher (Why do they have a fire extinguisher? Is this a common occurrence?) and sprays Dave, the cookies, and the broom, coating them in white foam. When the spray dissipates, it reveals a very disgruntled looking Dave and a soggy pile of cookies.

“Nice going,” Dirk says sarcastically, earning him a middle finger from his brother. “You look like a giant jizzed on you,” he comments, going over to inspect the cookies. “Not my fault the fuckin’ oven doesn’t work,” Dave grumbles, batting him away and tossing the cookies into the trash, putting the tray in the sink. “Yeah, whatever,” Dirk says, handing him a towel. “Go take a shower, I just cleaned and I don’t want you getting that shit everywhere.” Dave pulls a face at him and leaves the room, ignoring you completely. When the shock wears off, you stifle a small chuckle, not wanting him to think you were laughing at him. Dirk grins at you. “Did you enjoy that?” You grin back. “Oh, yes. I especially liked the little shriek at the beginning.” You both laugh at that, and you hear a muffled, “Fuck off!” through the walls. Dirk snorts and bangs on the wall, then wipes down the counter and tosses the towel in the sink. “Wanna go back to the couch?” he asks, jerking his head towards the family room. You sigh regretfully. “Sadly, no. It’s getting late and I should be on my way home.” His face falls a little. “Oh. Okay.” He goes to grab your coat, and you follow. He leans against the wall as you put your coat and shoes on, watching you impassively. “Sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?” he asks, crossing his arms. You smile a little. “I wish I could, but I do have work tomorrow.” He nods. You zip yourself up. “This was nice. Can... can we do this again sometime?” You ask the question tentatively, not wanting to force yourself upon him. He smiles. “Sure. When?” You think. “Um... as soon as we can.”

“Tomorrow?” he suggests, tilting his head. You grin. “That would be lovely. Do you want to come to my place?” He nods. “Sure. 7?” You smile and agree. “I’ll see you then, I guess,” you say, smiling shyly up at him. He moves forward until you’re right next to each other, and then kisses you. It’s slow and sweet, and you don’t want it to end. But it does. He pulls back and grins at you again. “See you later,” he says, in a low voice, smirking a bit. You nod slightly, a little dazed, and you hardly realize you’re moving until you’re halfway down the hallway. You raise a hand to your face, feeling how warm it is, and groan, thinking you must look like a tomato. Still, your heart is pounding and you feel like you’re floating, because of Dirk. You let out a small, hysterical sounding giggle and wiggle around a little bit, feeling embarrassed immediately afterward. You make your way home to an empty house and turn on the kettle, giddy with happiness and anticipation for tomorrow night. You begin making plans.


	9. Chapter 9

(Dirk)

When you close the door behind him, you stand there for a few seconds, then go into your room, closing the door behind you. Once you’re sure you’re alone, after putting his roses in a glass of water, you grin and flop onto your bed, facing the ceiling with your arms spread out. You’re smiling like a madman and your face is beginning to hurt but you really don’t care. You think that maybe, just maybe, you can be happy again, after so long. You fall asleep like that, with Jake the only thought going through your mind.

You wake up the next morning, at first a little bewildered that you’re not dreading the day, but then you remember. You grin and roll over, pressing your face into your pillow. There’s a buzz from your night table, and you fling your arm over, groping around for your phone. When you grasp it, the screen is lit up with a text, from Jake, no less. ‘I’m excited for tonight. I’ve got something special planned :)’, it reads. You arch your eyebrows, wondering what he could be talking about. Shaking yourself out of your daydreams, you roll out of bed and shuffle into the bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as possible. Jake always used to tell you it was bad for you, but you blatantly ignored him. Besides, you’ve been doing it your whole life, it’s not like it can hurt you anymore now. You strip and step under the stream of water, sighing happily as it hits you.

For the rest of the day, you mess around with your machines and wander around the apartment, unable to concentrate on anything. Finally, it’s time to leave, so you grab the keys, tell Dave you’re going out and close the door behind you, straightening your clothes. As you’re making your way out the door of the building, you hear a shout. You look around, but see no one. Suddenly, someone grabs you from behind, getting you in a headlock and covering your eyes. Another set of hands gropes over your body and into your pockets, searching for your wallet, you guess. Heart racing, you kick the guy holding you in the shin and reach back to grab his shirt as he stumbles, enabling you to see again. The one who was searching you swings at you, but you duck and push his partner at him, then punch him, bruising your knuckles. He launches himself at you and you don’t dodge fast enough, causing both of you to fall to the ground. You wrestle with him, rolling on top of him and giving a quick blow to the throat, incapacitating him for at least a little while. His buddy tackles you, but you kick him in the stomach and slam your hands over his temples, knocking him unconscious. You leave him on the ground and go over to his friend, who’s stirring, and search him, getting your wallet back. After you find it, you say, “Don’t come here again or you won’t get away so intact,” and walk away. You’ve got some scratches on your face and arms and your knuckles are bleeding, but you’re otherwise fine.

The rest of your journey to Jake’s is pretty uneventful. You stop at the grocery store on the way there to pick up some flowers for him. Azaleas, he always liked those. You pick out some white and yellow ones that seem in fairly good shape, and carry them carefully out to your car. You hold them behind your back as you walk up to the door and ring the doorbell, waiting for him to answer. When he opens the door, smiling, you grin and hold them out to him. “Good evening,” you say, in a slightly affected voice. He giggles at you and takes them, burying his face in the bouquet. “They smell lovely,” he says, looking up at you. His smile fades and is replaced by a look of slight horror and concern. “What happened to you?” he murmurs, running a finger over your scratches. You shrug. “Got jumped walking out of the apartment. No big deal.” He frowns. “Well, at the very least we should get you cleaned up.” He pulls you inside, closing the door behind you and leading you to the bathroom. He makes you take off your bloodstained shirt while he goes looking for the first aid kit. You wince when the wounds pull as you move, and toss the shirt in the sink, turning on the water to rinse it out.

He comes back with some Neosporin and bandages. “Hold still,” he says, as he wets a towel and gently wipes the blood off your skin. You sit obediently and watch his face as he works, taking in all the little details. He meets your eyes and smiles, standing up. “Okay, this is going to sting a little,” he warns you, dabbing some Neosporin on. You hiss quietly and he makes an apologetic face, unwrapping a Band-Aid when he’s finished. “...What the hell is that?” you ask, deadpan, as he sticks a Hello Kitty bandage on your arm. He looks up in confusion. “Have you never seen a Band-Aid before?” he asks, tilting his head. You shake your head. “No, of course I’ve seen a Band-Aid before... but why Hello Kitty?” You pull a face as you examine it. “Well I have some Nic Cage ones if you’d rather...” he trails off, smirking slightly. You grimace. “I’ll stick with these.”

You hop off the counter and turn to him. “You have a shirt I could borrow? Since, you know, mine has blood on it.” He grins. “It’s not really a requirement that you wear a shirt, but if you really want one I’m sure I could find one.” He goes off into his room again, and comes back a few minutes later with a grey t-shirt that looks like it’s been shoved in the back of his closet. He looks slightly embarrassed, saying, “Sorry, this is the only one that was clean.” You shrug and pull it on, tugging it down. “It’s a little tight but it’ll work,” you say. He looks you over and opens his mouth, then closes it, licking his lips. “Uh... Do you wanna go downstairs?” he says, seeming a little distracted. “Sure,” you say, walking out of the bathroom and sticking your hands in your pockets, smirking a little.

 

(Jake)

Watching Dirk in front of you, wearing your shirt that’s just tight enough to show the lines of his chest, you wonder if you’ll really be able to go through with your plans or if you’ll just be too consumed with lust to concentrate. You don’t realize you’ve made it downstairs until he turns, and you quickly tear your eyes away from his ass. He smirks at you knowingly and you blush, trying to think of something to say. “Would you like something to eat?” you ask, taking his hand and leading him into the dining room. You’ve set up what you think is a very nice, romantic little table, with candles and flowers, the whole nine yards. He looks around. “Nice, English. What’re you serving?” He grins and looks at you. “Um, salmon. Is that okay?” you ask, pulling his chair out for him. He nods and sits down. “Sounds good.” You stare at him for a few seconds, and then shake yourself and say, “I’ll go and get it, just sit tight.” Going into the kitchen, you take a few seconds to pull yourself together and get the fish out of the oven, where it’s been keeping warm. You place it on a dish and carefully carry it out, along with a bottle of wine.

When you come out, he’s leaning back in his chair, looking around. You place the food on the table and open the bottle, pouring some into his glass. “Thanks,” he murmurs, looking up at you. You smile back and take a seat across from him, cutting a piece of salmon and putting it on his plate, then doing the same for yourself. “Cheers,” you say, holding up your glass. He raises his glass as well and touches it to yours, then drinks from it. You begin to eat, the only sound being the clink of silverware on the plates. “S’good,” Dirk says, taking a bite. “Thank you,” you reply, smiling. “It was my grandmother’s recipe.” He nods and eats some more.

After a few minutes, you break the silence again, saying, “Can I ask you something?” He looks up, and his face is more than a little apprehensive. “Sure,” he says, putting his fork and knife down, giving you his full attention. You swallow and set down your utensils as well. “Are... are you still moving back to California?” You wait for the answer, holding your breath. You hope the answer’s no- you don’t know if you can bear being separated from him again. He purses his lips. “...I dunno,” he answers, after a moment. “I was going to, but... I don’t want to go away now.” You start to breathe again a little bit, nodding. “Alright. Well, I... Let me know what you decide, if that’s okay.” He smiles. “Of course.”

“Right.” You nod again and take another bite, not knowing quite what to do with yourself. The back of your neck prickles, and you look up to see him watching you. “What?” you say, wondering if there’s something in your hair or on your face. He smirks. “What do you say after this we make a visit to your bedroom?” You draw back in surprise, then smile, biting your lip. “Why wait?” you say, standing up and pulling him out of his chair. He grins and comes willingly, putting his arms around you and kissing you softly. You melt into him, sucking on his bottom lip. He hoists you up so that your legs are around his waist and your chests are pressed together. You smile and wrap your legs around him tighter, knotting your fingers in his hair.

In no time, he’s carried you up to your bedroom and laid you down on the bed, climbing on top of you. You pull him closer and slide your hands under his shirt, eager to see what lies beneath. He chuckles and brushes his lips along your skin, down your neck, and places a soft kiss over your pulse. You shiver slightly and and pull him back up to your face, kissing him again. He looks at you with half-lidded eyes, and you’re caught off guard by the emotion you can see in them. You gaze at him, lips parted, for a few seconds before murmuring, “Take off your clothes.” He sits back, smirking, and tilts his head. “Oh, is that how we’re doing this?” Despite his cocky tone, he complies, stripping down to his underwear. You take off your clothes as well, tossing them onto the floor. He sits with his legs crossed, watching you intently. A blush spreads over your body and you hug your knees to your chest. “Um... so what now?” you say awkwardly, feeling a bit out of place. He rolls his eyes and leans forward, kissing you. You lunge forward, knocking him onto his back and settling between his legs. He makes a surprised noise and you quickly slide your tongue into his open mouth, probing around. He presses his hips up against you, and you let out a soft noise, biting his lip. You run your hand down his chest and into his boxers, stroking a little bit. He moans, a low, lovely noise, and you think that you’d like to hear that every day of your life. He’s like pure heroin to you, and you can’t get enough.

He breaks into your thoughts by putting his hand over the lump in your underwear and squeezing, moving his hand back and forth until you’re as hard as you can get. You break away and gasp for breath, pressing your hips into his hand. He draws away and you begin to protest, until he tosses his underwear onto the floor and removes yours as well. You grin and resettle yourself on top of him, feeling his cock slide against yours. You pant into each others mouths, moving and rutting and pressing together, desperate for more, more contact, more of each other. Soon enough, you’re pausing again, looking down at him. “Can we...?” You try and signal your intent, and he’s smart, he gets it. You climb off and go to grab a condom and some lube out of your drawer, feeling his eyes on you. “You wanna top or bottom?” he asks, leaning back on his elbows. “Um... I would, uh, like to ride you.. if that would be okay?” You look to him tentatively. He smirks and nods, opening the condom and sliding it on. You uncap the lube and put some onto your fingers, pressing them to your own entrance.

“Here, let me do that,” Dirk says, taking the lube from you and removing your hand. He slowly presses his fingers in, kissing you gently. You nod when it’s okay for him to move again, and he moves in further, stretching you a bit. You whine a bit in anticipation and pain, and he kisses your forehead, slowly moving his fingers back and forth. In no time, you’re ready, and he lays down on his back, lubing himself up. When he’s ready, you slowly lower yourself onto him, with his hands gripping your hips tightly. When you’re settled, you being to roll your hips, slowly at first, then increasing in speed. You try and draw those small moans and noises from his mouth, focusing every action on that. Soon he’s a senseless mess, unable to form coherent words besides curses and your name. You love being able to do this, love making him come undone, for you. You think it’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve seen. He chokes out one more drawn out, breathless “Ja-ake...” before coming, with you following a few moments after. You pull yourself off, tying the condom off and tossing it on the floor, then laying down next to him in exhaustion. He turns and smiles fuzzily at you, still recovering. You kiss his forehead and pull a blanket over both of you, curling into him. He puts an arm around you, and you both soon fall asleep.

 


	10. Chapter 10

(Dirk)

You wake up slowly, blissfully, the next morning, with the sun shining through a gap in the curtains and falling over the bed. You turn your head slightly to look at Jake, who’s still sleeping peacefully. You snuggle closer to him, giving yourself just one moment of dependency and you let your guard down, just feeling him next to you. He stirs a bit, mumbling something incoherent and tightening his arm around you. You smile and press your face into his chest, sighing. You think that maybe you should get up and make breakfast, but it’s warm and happy and comfortable here, and you don’t want to. You’re just thinking that maybe you should wake him up when a sharp pain shoots through your head. “Ah!” You cry out and curl in on yourself, trying to ease it. Jake makes a noise and wakes up, looking around groggily. “Wh...” He gropes around for his glasses and slides them on, looking down at you in concern. You whimper slightly, screwing your face up in pain. “Dirk! Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Jake waves his hands around a bit frantically, looking at a loss. You manage to groan out, “Hurts... something wrong... I can’t see..”

He sits up. “Oh my god. Where does it hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?” You just shake your head slightly, and then wince at the further agony that causes. “Okay, we’re definitely taking you to the hospital. Hang on.” He gets out of bed, and through your haze of pain you hear him moving around. You don’t know how long it’s been before you feel him sliding some pants on you and picking you up. You drift in and out, and you think you’re in the car before your vision goes black completely.

  


(Jake)

Your heart is pounding so hard it nearly drowns out everything else. Later, you would describe the feeling like ‘it was as if the world was collapsing, and the only thing I could do was drive’. You can hear Dirk moaning in pain and you choked back a sob, going at almost twice the speed limit and getting a lot of indignant honks and curses thrown at you. You glance over at him every few seconds, risking looking away from the road to check on him. He seems unconscious, head lolling back. You bite your lips so hard they bleed and drive faster.

After the most nerve wracking drive of your life, you get to the emergency room. You scoop Dirk up and carry him in, shaking hard. The staff must be able to see the worry on your face because they immediately take care of him. You explain what happened in a faltering, choked voice, and a kind nurse tells you that they’ll examine him and see what’s wrong. You nod and wander numbly into the waiting room she points you to, and sit down. As you fall into the chair, your mind collapses until it’s all you can do not to scream. You put your head in your hands, holding back tears. You’d thought that maybe, maybe, you could get your life back on track, and have a good relationship with Dirk. And now, who knows what’s going to happen? He could die, for all you know. You push the thought firmly out of your mind. “He won’t die. He can’t,” you mutter to yourself, your voice rough. You shake your head and try to block out all thought.

An indeterminable amount of time passes, with frantic, horrible thoughts flying through your head. You’re shaken out of your stupor by the same nurse as before, who looks sad but kind. “You can see him now,” she said. “He’s unconscious, and in a lot of pain, but it looks like he’ll be okay.” You choke back a sob of relief, biting your knuckles. “Thank you,” you whisper, and she smiles and nods. “I’ll take you to his room.” You follow her on shaking legs, flooded with relief. When she opens the door, it’s all you can do not to run to him and hold on, and never let go. But there’s a chair beside the bed, so you take that instead, taking his hand and stroking his face. He has bandages wrapped around his head, and he looks pale, but alive.  The nurse leaves quietly, and you lean forward and kiss his forehead. He stirs a bit, but doesn’t wake up. You know you should find out what’s wrong, but right now all you care about is being with him.

 

You wake with a start in a dark, unfamiliar room, your back aching. You look around groggily, and remember what happened, sending your heart into a frenzy. “You ‘wake?” You jump, and see Dirk looking at you with half open eyes, smiling slightly. You start to tear up, and hug him tightly. He winces a bit but hugs you back, burying his face in your shoulder. “Hey, hey, s’okay,” he murmurs, rubbing your back. “M’alright.” You finally let yourself cry, sobbing into his shoulder. “I was so worried,” you choke out in a whisper, pressing your face into his neck, smelling his cologne and shampoo and just him, your Dirk. He kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers through your hair. It takes you about 10 minutes to cry yourself out, and when you’re done, you look up at him, tears still on your cheeks. He smiles at you and puts his hand on your cheek. “S’all okay now. We’re fine.” You nod and smile tiredly, sadly. His speech is a bit slurred, which you suppose is to be expected, but he usually speaks so clearly; it’s disconcerting. There’s a knock on the door, and you draw back, still holding his hand. “Come in,” Dirk calls, and the nurse walks in. “How are you feeling?” she asks. “Fine,” Dirk says, settling back on the pillows. “We’re going to give you a bit of medicine, okay? It looks like you had a pretty bad stroke, but no brain damage so far.” You bite your lip, looking over at him. He nods. “Cool. D’you know what caused it?” She brings over a few pills. “There was a blood clot blocking an artery in your brain, but we’ve removed it, and you should be fine.”

“Is that what these, uh... things are, then?” he asks, reaching up to touch them. “Bandages,” you whisper, and he nods. “Yeah, those.” The nurse nods. “You’re going to have to take it easy for a few days, but as soon as we take some tests and give you medicine you’ll be able to go home, hopefully today.” You stand up. “What can I do to help?” you ask. “Is there anything that needs to be done?” She shrugs. “Just take care of him. Don’t let him move around too much, and don’t let the stitches get wet. They should dissolve in a couple of weeks. Oh, also, make sure he takes his medicine.”  You nod gratefully. “Thank you for everything,” you say. She smiles and pats your shoulder. “ It is my job, you know.” She grins and hands you the pills, saying, “Make sure he takes those, alright? Painkillers, to make him a little more comfortable.” As she leaves, you get a glass of water for Dirk and sit back down next to the bed. “Do you want to take these now?” He shrugs, then flinches a little and carefully repositions himself. “Sure, might ‘s well.” He take the pills from you and swallows them carefully, dripping a little water onto the bed because of his position. When he’s done, you place the water on the table beside him and take his hand again. “I love you,” you say quietly. He smiles and rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. “I love you too.”

You sit in silence for a little while, and he drifts off again. You don’t know how much time passes, sitting there and watching him, before a doctor comes in. She has long dark hair pulled into a braid, with round glasses and a bright smile. You sit up with a start, looking around, and Dirk opens his eyes as well. “Hello,” the doctor says. “I’m Dr. Harley, I’m here to look at your, uh, friend.” She grins and winks, then pulls on some latex gloves and picks up a clipboard. “Stroke, hmm?” Staring intently at the clipboard, she mutters to herself and her brow furrows. “Well, it just seemed to be a blood clot, although that’s a little unusual for someone your age. But anyway, if it’s okay with you, I’ll take your blood pressure and then have a look at the incision, and prescribe some pain killers for you?” Dirk nods. “Sounds good.” She smiles. “Sir, would you mind leaving the room for a few minutes?” She looks at you. “O-oh, sure.” You stand up and begin to make your way out. “I’ll be out in just a few minutes!” she says cheerfully, opening a cabinet.

You sit in the hallway, wringing your hands together. You know it’s silly, but you don’t like leaving him alone, even with a doctor. Soon enough though, Dr. Harley comes out, smiling. “He’s all good! He told me that he got jumped yesterday, is that correct? That’s most likely what caused it. The nurse probably told you this, but he won’t be able to move around a whole lot, and he can’t get the wound wet. Oh, and don’t be too rough with him.” She smirks and you blush deeply, remembering the marks you left on his neck. “Anyway, I gave him some medicines he’ll need to take every day to ensure that he doesn’t get infected, and some painkillers as well. He might have some trouble walking or speaking, and he might forget a few words, but it wasn’t a very severe case and there seem to be few symptoms as of now so it’s unlikely anything drastic will turn up. And we’ll need to have him come back in about two weeks just to check up on him.” You nod. “Should we schedule a date?” The two of you figure out a date and time, and she smiles and pats you on the shoulder. “Call us if you have any problems, okay? The nurse should be back in a few minutes to take care of the last minute things and get him into a wheelchair- he shouldn’t be walking much today or tomorrow. After that, you should be able to go home!” You smile and nod. “Thank you very much,” you say gratefully. “No problem! I’ll see you in a couple of weeks!” She gives you one last smile and walks down the hall, humming softly. You go back into the room and sit down in the chair. “The nurse’ll be here soon,” you tell Dirk. “I know,” he says. “Kinda humiliating that I’ll have to be in a wheelchair, but I guess it’s for the best.” He sounds groggy and his words kind of flow together, and it takes you a few seconds to decipher what he’s saying. You smile and kiss his forehead. “I’m going to be your personal servant for the next few days. We’re coming back in a couple of weeks just for a check in.”

“Alright,” he says. “Am I gonna be able to do anythin’ on my own?” You grin. “Nope, I’m gonna baby you until you can’t stand it.” He rolls his eyes at you. “I mean, am I physically capable of doing anything?” You giggle. “Not for the next few days, but after that you could probably start doing small things. She... she told me not to be too rough with you.” You blush again, and he smirks at you. “Yeah, I bet they saw all the hickeys you gave me.” You smack his arm gently, feeling embarrassed. “Well, nothing too strenuous for a while. It would probably be best to abstain altogether but...” You trail off, biting your lip. “You couldn’t do that,” he finishes, grinning mischievously. You blush deeper, making a face, when the nurse comes in. “Alright, time to get you cleaned up!” she says cheerfully. Dirk sits up carefully and swings his legs out of bed. “Here are your normal clothes,” the nurse says, handing them to him. He slowly pulls on his shirt, fumbling a bit, and you help him with his pants, taking care not to jostle him too much. You button his jacket onto him- you can see the frustration in his face at not being able to do these simple things, and a stab of pity goes through you- not that he’d appreciate it. “Do you have the medicine?” she asks. He nods and holds it up. “Excellent. Okay, here’s Dr. Harley’s extension in case there’s an emergency, and some clean bandages. You should change them every day.” She pushes the wheelchair over to him, and you help him settle into it. “Do we need to check out or anything?” you ask. She shakes her head. “Dr. Harley will have told the staff that the room will be clear. You can just go.” You nod happily. “Okay, thank you!” She smiles at you and holds the door open as you push Dirk down the hallway. Waiting for the elevator, he reaches up to squeeze your hand, and you willingly take it.

When you get to the car, you carefully lift him into his seat and buckle his seatbelt, then fold up the wheelchair, putting it into the trunk. Hopping into the front seat, you start the car, turning the radio on very quietly. “You comfy? Do you need anything?” He smiles. “Nah, I’m fine.” “Right-o,” you say, buckling yourself up and pulling out of the parking lot. “If you need anything or want to stop, just say so.” He makes a noise of assent and looks out the window, watching the road go by.

After a few minutes, he makes a soft noise. “Jake....” “Yes?” you say, turning to him immediately. He’s looking out the window with a concerned, confused expression on his face. “What are those things?” You furrow your brow. “What things?” He points. “Those lights in the sky.” You raise your eyebrows; you wouldn’t have thought he’d forget something like that. “Those are stars, Dirk. You love the stars.” He’s silent for a while. “Why are they there?” You think about that. “I don’t know. They’re just giant burning balls of gas in space, and we can see them when it gets dark.” You’re not quite sure how to go about explaining this to him, he’s always been so much more knowledgeable about things. “Hmm,” he says, before going quiet again. He’s in one of his thinking silences, where you can tell he’s completely immersed in his thoughts. You could crash the car and he probably wouldn’t notice. (Okay, well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but he really is rather oblivious when he gets like this.)

About halfway through the drive, something occurs to you. “Oh, my god, I didn’t tell Dave! He must be out of his mind with worry, oh no, oh no....” You’re horrified with yourself, certain that you’ve made him hate you even more. “Chill, Jake, I’ll call him now. Besides, he probably just thought I stayed over at your house another night.” “..If you say so.” You’re still apprehensive, but you hand him the phone, then remember that he can’t use many fine motor skills. “Do you need me to dial it for you?” you ask. His face tightens, and he shakes his head. “No, I’ll be fine.” He slowly dials the number, making exasperated noises every few seconds. Eventually, he gets through and Dave picks up the phone almost right away. You can’t hear what he’s saying but Dirk laughs. “No, we’re comin’ home now. Had a mild stroke, had to go to the, uh, hospital? Yeah.” He’s silent for a few minutes, then begins to talk again. “I’m fine now, just a little woozy. I have some medicine and stuff, and they gave Jake all th’ instructions.” He listens again. “I dunno... I wasn’t planning to, I guess?” He glances over at you for a split second, and you wonder what Dave asked. “I’ll ask.” He covers the mouthpiece of the phone. “Um... Dave wants to know if I’ll be staying wi’ you, since you’re the one who knows what to do, and he won’t be home to take care of me an’ shit.” You raise your eyebrows. “You can, if you want to. Even if you didn’t, I would be at your apartment all the time anyway, hovering over you. And I suppose Dave would rather not have that.” He smiles. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He puts the phone back up to his ear. “Yeah, I’ll stay there. We’re just going to come home and pick up some of my stuff.” He looks over to you for affirmation and you nod, giving a thumbs up. He nods back and listens to Dave. “Alright, see ya.” He hangs up the phone with a little difficulty and hands it back to you.

“So, um... how long do you think you’ll be staying with me?” you ask carefully. He shrugs. “Dunno. How long do you want me to?” You bite your lip, considering that. “I... would like it if you stayed forever.” He smiles at you. “I would like that too,” he says quietly. He’s silent for a few moments, then says, “I don’t know how Dave would like that, though. Probably wouldn’t want to have to deal with selling the apartment and everything.” You nod. “Well I suppose we won’t make anything permanent for now.” He makes a small noise and goes back to looking outside. You get to his place soon, and you carefully park the car and help him out of it and into the wheelchair. He is, of course, irritated by this but you won’t take any chances with his safety. As you wheel him in, he nods to the person at the desk and she looks surprised. “Dirk? What happened?!” She comes out from behind the desk and walks toward you. She has short brown hair, a high voice and a sweet face, despite the scars running down it. “I’m fine, Nep. Just had a minor stroke, nothing to worry about.” She still looks concerned and pats his shoulder gently. “Who’s this?” she asks, looking at you. “Oh, this is Jake,” he says, motioning back at you. You smile and wave awkwardly. He continues, saying, “I’m stayin’ over at his for a while so he can take care of me, so I’ll be fine. Seriously, Nepeta. Don’t stress yourself out.”  She presses her lips together. “I’m still going to worry.” Going back around the desk, she rummages around in a drawer. “I’ve got some of those cookies you like, if you want some. I heard Dave burned another batch.” She giggles and produces a bag of chocolate cookies, shaped like horseshoes. “Equius made these, which is why they’re not pawprints this time.” She smiles and hands them to him. “Thanks.” He puts them on his lap. “See you around, okay?” She smiles and hugs him carefully. “Bye!” He waves at her and you continue on your way to the elevator.

“She was nice,” you say. He nods. “Yeah, I’ve known ‘er ever since I moved in here. She’s been a hell of a lot of help over the past couple a’ months.” You don’t press the subject, because you know he’s talking about after your breakup. You ride up to his floor in silence, staring at the wall. The ‘ding’ of the elevator startles you, and you jump slightly before pushing his chair out into the hallway. “I really hope Dave isn’t mad,” you murmur, pursing your lips. “He’ll get over it,” Dirk says, and you can almost feel him rolling his eyes. Dirk pulls out his key and unlocks the door, and you open it and push him inside. Dave is sitting on the couch, watching some anime, probably one that Dirk has tried to show you and you just didn’t understand. “Sup, bro,” Dirk says, as Dave turns around. “Hey, you okay?” Dave immediately gets up and comes over, his face impassive as usual, but you think you detect a hint of worry in there. Dirk nods. “Yeah,  m’fine. Oh, I’ve got some cookies from Nep, if you want some.” Dave shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good. There anythin’ I can do?” Dirk shrugs. “Can you get my stuff from the bathroom while Jake and I go pack some clothes?” Dave nods and goes off to collect Dirk’s things. You bring Dirk into his bedroom, and look around. “Alright, there’s a suitcase in the closet, and if you could just throw some clothes in there that would be great.” You begin to do that, and he wheels himself over to his desk and gathers up some stuff. As you shuffle around in his closet, grabbing shirts and jeans, you look at the other things he has shoved in there. Some swords, a few stray robot parts, and... “Dirk?” You stand up, holding the gas mask. “Hmm?” He looks around at you, then grimaces when he sees the mask. “Oh. You found that.” You nod slightly, examining it still. “Why did you keep it?” you ask. He sighs. “It’s... a reminder. I wanna remember everything all of us sacrificed in’th game, so I don’t take anythin’ for granted. Don’t take any of you for granted. And... we were together, then. Remember all the things we did wearing those?” He smiles a little, both in his sarcastic, cocky way, and a little bit sadly. You smile back softly, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” You place it carefully on top of his dresser. “Maybe we can make some better memories now.” He smiles for real now, a genuine, wide grin. “Yeah, maybe we can.”

It doesn’t take long for you to pack his things up, and soon you’re standing in the front hallway of the apartment with Dave. “Call me when you’re ready to come back, okay?” Dave says, ruffling Dirk’s hair. Dirk makes a face at him and swats his hand away. “Yeah, whatever,” he grumbles. “And you, treat him right, okay?” Dave looks at you over the top of his shades, his red eyes vaguely threatening. You swallow. “O-of course.” He nods. “‘Kay, see ya.” He opens the door and you wheel Dirk back into the hallway, with Dave watching you carefully. Dirk waves, and Dave flashes a rare smile at him. It’s astonishingly similar to Dirk’s, you think. As you take the elevator to the ground floor, you hope you’ll be able to keep your promise to Dave. On a whim, you lean down and kiss him gently, taking him by surprise. But he doesn’t resist, so you kiss him until the doors open. When you pull back, he smiles at you, his lips darkened and wet. You smile back and push him out to your car. You get him settled into the seat, then put his stuff in the back. “Anything else you need?” He shakes his head, so you put the car into drive and begin the journey home. Neither of you says very much, just listening to the motor of the car and the dull voices from the radio. It seems like no time at all before you get back to your house, and you soon get Dirk’s things settled in. He yawns. “Can I take a shower?” he asks a bit sleepily. “Um... I think you can, but you would have to be sitting down, and... you would have to wear a shower cap...” You have trouble keeping back laughter at the expression on his face. “The doctor said you can’t get the wound wet!” you say earnestly, heading off his indignant rant. His face settles into a scowl. “Well I need to wash my hair, so can you wash around it for me?” He looks up at you, and you can see a small glint of mischief in his eyes, as per the usual whenever he suggests something like this. You sigh. “Of course, Dirk. You know I can’t resist that look.” He smirks at you. “I know.”

 

(Dirk)

You grin quietly, burying your face in Jake’s neck. You can’t get the wheelchair up the stairs, so he carries you up instead. When you get to the bathroom, he sets you gently on the floor. “Okay, start taking your clothes off,” he says, turning on the faucet. You obey and pull your shirt off, then undo your pants and belt and toss them away as well. You shiver as the cold tile touches your skin, and hug your knees to your chest. As soon as the tub is adequately filled up, he places you in the warm water, and you stretch out, sighing happily. When you look up, he’s still just standing there by the edge of the tub. “Aren’t you gettin’ in?” you ask, grinning and tilting your head in the way you know he can’t argue with. He scowls at you. “Fine.” He strips and gently settles in with you. The bathtub is pretty small, so his legs are on top of yours, stretching up over your hips. There’s a faint blush on his cheeks, and you suppress a smile. He just rolls his eyes and leans back on the wall. You snicker and climb onto his lap. He protests, saying that you shouldn’t move around too much, but you just ignore him and put your arms around his neck. “So are you gonna help me wash myself or what?” you ask, grinning. He sticks his tongue out at you and grabs the bath pouf you like to use, squirting some soap onto it. You kiss his nose and rest your foreheads together, sighing a little. He smiles at you and kisses you, rubbing some soap onto your chest. You grin back, running your fingers through his hair and down his back. He kisses you again and you gently push your tongue into his mouth, licking his lips along the way. He opens his mouth to you and you willingly slide your tongue over his, pulling his hair a little. You pull back after a while, panting. “I love you,” you murmur, eyes flicking back and forth between each of his. “I love you more,” he replies, looking up at you. “I love you most,” you whisper, almost touching your lips to his. You sit there, just looking at each other for a while.

Eventually, though, Jake shifts and smiles at you. “Let’s get you washed up, shall we, love?” You nod, and finish rubbing soap over yourself. He helps you rinse it off, then picks up the bottle of shampoo. “Okay...” He bites his lip, thinking. “You should probably turn around, so I can see better.” You obey, shifting so you’re sitting crosslegged in front of him, facing away. He carefully wets your hair, running his fingers through it. You shiver a bit, enjoying the feel of it. You don’t often let people touch your hair, despite how much you like it. Letting your eyes drift closed, you lose yourself in his touch and his fingers in your hair. Too soon, though, it’s over, and he plants a kiss on your shoulder. “All done!” You smile at him and he grins back, taking the sponge from you. “Now it’s my turn.” He begins to scrub himself down, but you take it from him and do it yourself. “Don’t I get to wash you?” you ask, rubbing it over your arm. “If you wish,” he giggles, running his hands down your arms. You take your time, moving over his body carefully, gently brushing your fingers against his skin. You can feel him watching you, but you keep your eyes down. Only when you’re finished do you look up and meet his eyes. He kisses you, and you kiss him back, closing your eyes. You sit in the warm water for a while more kissing and murmuring to each other, until it begins to get cold. When you get out, Jake helps you up and places a hand on your chest. “Dirk?” he says, tilting his head. “Yeah?” you say, running your fingers through his hair. “I want you to stay with me. I don’t want to be without you again.” He blushes a little bit as you look at him. “Neither do I,” you whisper, and kiss his forehead.

 


	11. Chapter 11

(Jake)

It’s been a couple months since Dirk’s moved in with you, and everything’s settled into a nice routine. You go to work once you can leave Dirk at home by himself, and he occupies himself with small projects that leave bolts and oil smears on your carpet, which you reprimand him for, but secretly don’t mind. It’s like he’s leaving traces of himself there. One day, though, Dirk announces that he’s going out, alone. You protest, saying that he might get hurt, but he rolls his eyes and brushes you off. “I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’ll call you if I need anything.” You relent, knowing you’re going to have to let him eventually, so he takes the keys to your car and heads off. You don’t know exactly where he’s going, he doesn’t like it when you pry. He just said he’s ‘doing some errands’. Nevertheless, you worry until he comes home, safe and sound, with a small bag in his hand. When you ask what’s in it, he tells you to ‘stop being nosy’ and goes off to put it away, you presume. You’re a little suspicious, and those suspicions are augmented by his sudden plans to take you to dinner. You think that maybe he has something special planned for the two of you tonight, and you remind him that you can’t be too rough, at which he just laughs. “Don’t worry, Jake. It’ll all be fine.” He says it nonchalantly, but you detect a hint of nerves in his voice. So when you sit down to dinner at a fancy restaurant, you’re understandably apprehensive. However, the dinner passes without anything remarkable. But afterward, he says, “Do you wanna go for a drive?” You oblige, because for one you like spending time with him, and you’re also dying to know what’s going on. He takes you on a road you’ve never been on before, and you don’t recognize any of the surroundings. You park next to a stretch of forest that seems no different from the rest, but Dirk gets out and comes around to open the door for you. “Dirk? What are we doing?” you ask, taking his hand and stepping out of the car. He just shakes his head and leads you into the forest. You climb through branches and undergrowth for a while, before emerging next to a lake. “Oh! Dirk, this is the little cove, isn’t it?” He nods. “Yep.” Taking a deep breath, he turns to you.

“Jake, I know we’ve had our troubles, and enough hardships for a lifetime. Some people might have given up before now. But the time I’ve spent with you is the best I’ve had, and I wouldn’t want to go through life with anyone else. I love you more than I can say.” He coughs and pulls something out of his jacket, and sinks down on one knee. “Jake, you are the love of my life, however cliché it might sound, and I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?” You gasp quietly, your hand flying up to your mouth. He’s looking up at you expectantly, and he looks terrified. You fling your arms around him, a tear running down your cheek. “Of course, Dirk,” you choke out past the lump in your throat. “I love you so much.” He sniffs a little and pulls you closer to him, despite his awkward position. After you get over the shock and pull yourself together, you draw back to look at him. There are tears in his eyes, and he’s smiling as big as you’ve seen in a while. “I love you, Jake.” He wipes the tears off your cheek with his thumb gently. You smile and kiss him. It’s a very small kiss, but it’s full of love and happiness. He slides the gold band on your finger, and you stare down at it. “I will never, ever leave you again,” you whisper. He smiles. “I know.” He stands up, gently pulling you with him. “What do you say we go home and celebrate?” He grins and your heart speeds up a little at the insinuation. “I think that sounds wonderful.”

 


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. I hope you enjoyed it!

(Dirk)

You walk in the house, late from work, and drop your bag on the floor, too tired and fed up to care about the mess. However, a chocolatey, rich smell distracts you. You follow it to the kitchen, a little apprehensive. Jake has tried to cook multiple times, and its rare that it ended up well. However, when you walk in the room, there’s a lovely little cake sitting on the counter, with Jake standing behind it smiling widely. “Happy anniversary!” he cries, attacking you with a hug. “What? Jake, our anniversary’s not for a few months now,” you say in confusion, wrapping your arms around him. “Oh, not our wedding anniversary. It’s the anniversary of the date you proposed last year.” He smiles at you, holding his hand up and wiggling the wedding band at you. “Is it? I didn’t know you were keeping track of that,” you grin, kissing his fingers. “Well, it was kind of the beginning of a new chapter, with you, so I wanted to remember it,” he says, blushing a little. “That’s sweet,” you reply, kissing him. “I was thinking that maybe... we could go to our cove tonight?” he asks, looking up at you. You smile. “Sounds good to me. Just let me go change, okay? We can pack dinner and eat there.” He nods, grinning widely. “I’ll do that!” He rushes off to go pack everything up, and you go upstairs to change. You pick something nice, but not too fancy, because you are going to be walking through the woods, after all. When you find something suitable, you go back downstairs, where Jake has everything ready. “Ready to go?” you say, grabbing your jacket. He nods and pulls on a sweatshirt, and you load up the car.

It seems like no time before you pull into your usual parking spot, and even less before you end up at the cove. That’s just how it is with Jake- you don’t even notice the time passing around him. He splashes around in the lake while you set up the blanket and the food, tossing his shoes and socks on the sand. “You’re gonna catch a cold,” you call, sitting down and leaning back on your elbows. He rolls his eyes. “I’ll be fine, I’ve done worse before.” Nevertheless, he gets out of the water and joins you on the blanket. “What’d you pack?” you ask, opening the bag. “Chips and sandwiches and cookies,” he says, pulling things out. You make a noise of assent and unwrap one of the sandwiches, taking a bite. “It’s good,” you say, chewing. He beams and takes a bite of his own. When you’re finished, he brings out some forks and you eat the cake directly from the plate, without cutting it or anything. He insists on feeding you, so you let him, flicking your tongue out every now and then and watching his cheeks grow pink. You feed him too, intentionally getting cake on his face, just so you can go, “Here, hang on,” and lean forward to lick it off. He giggles and kisses you, and you kiss him back, leaning into it. It’s been almost a year since you’ve been married, and you still can’t quite believe it. When you first met him, you would have never thought things would end up this way- married to the dorky kid with an obsession with shitty movies and skulls. But you wouldn’t change anything, and you intend to let him know. “Jake,” you say quietly, touching your noses together. “I love you.” He smiles at you. “I love you too, Strider.” “I’m... I’ve never been good with the sappy emotional things, you know that,” you say, looking at him. “But... I am incredibly lucky to have met you. Even with all the trouble we went through, I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t sacrifice a minute of it, because every second I’ve had and will have with you is valuable to me. And I would do anything for you.” You can feel your face getting red and your train of thought is running out, so you stop yourself before you say something stupid. You meant it all, though. You love Jake with all your heart, even if you would never say it like that. “Oh, Dirk,” he says, smiling. He hugs you tightly, pulling you down on top of him. “I adore you. You are the love of my life, and I could never do this without you.” You smile a little and kiss him, slowly and sweetly. Anything else wouldn’t fit the mood. When you break apart, he grins up at you and you flop down next to him, lacing your fingers with his. There’s a faint breeze and it’s a little chilly, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. “Dirk, look! The stars are coming out!” Jake points at the darkening sky, where small pinpricks of light are beginning to appear. “Yeah,” you say. You’ve always loved the stars- you liked to go and look at them over the ocean when you were younger. They made you feel not so alone. When you forgot them after the stroke, you felt different. It took a while to remember them, and remember what they meant to you, but it meant more to you because of that. It’s like they were a constant, no matter what happened. Even if you forgot about them, they’d always be there for you. But now, you think that you won’t need that anymore. The stars will mean something different now- now that you have Jake. You won’t have to be alone anymore. You smile at the thought. “Stars.”

 


End file.
